Well, it’s been awhile since I’ve written anything here. I have been working on some stuff for the blogtalkradio.com/manonpurpose show and thought I’d share some of that here. I was off air for a few months and just last Wednesday started the show back up. After that show I really felt led to put together a series talking about a huge issue that we are faced with, namely sex. This topic has been a huge mess in my life previously; to the point of severe addiction which caused my previous marriage of 12 years to be destroyed which also resulted in my relationship with my two boys to be ruined. During these years of infidelities I’ve hurt several people and lost good jobs all in the pursuit of…..? Of what? What is it that we are seeking that would cause us to gamble with so much? What causes a man to get up from the couch where he is sitting with his wife and drive a short distance down the street to a horse park and have sex with a complete stranger there? What causes a man to drive an hour and half to be with another woman that he met at a gas station? What causes a man to get involved with another man’s wife in his house during work hours using the company’s vehicle to drive back and forth every morning and afternoon and even in the evenings? What causes a man to invite into his house a strange man and have relations with him while his family is asleep right upstairs? What causes a man to sleep with one woman, leave her house go to another woman’s house sleep with her and then go to yet another woman’s place and sleep with her and go home to be with the wife and kids? How can a married man “who loves his wife”  have one affair after another affair with other married women anywhere, anytime? What causes a man to masturbate not two times but four or five times throughout the day at home or at his work place? What causes a man to be able to be on the internet for hours and hours feeding his lustful mind with hundreds and thousands of all kinds of sexual images? Where does it come from, I mean where, when, and how does it get to be that bad? I could sit here for hours writing about all the sexual things I’ve done and the damage it caused throughout the years. Yes, everything I’ve written here so far was all me. It was me, but why? What was the driving force behind these many sexual endeavors?

How was I able to do such things even if it could cost me everything? Well, eventually that is exactly what happened. I lost my wife, my kids, money and jobs and myself.  I even went as far as to commit illegal activities all at the expense of attaining what? What was I looking for? What are you looking for? Is “sex” the actual driving force? I’ve learned over the years the answer to that question. No, sex was not and I believe is not the driving force.

Like any other “addiction” there is always something that we use to fill a void. I believe that more often than not, the initial exposure comes from someone within the family or at least someone close to the family. Whether it’s the parents, an uncle, an aunt, or even a friend of the family we experience them doing “it” or someone does “it” to us and later that “it” becomes a crack for Satan to ease his way in, then as we have to live our own lives, we don’t even realize something is or has been missing. We are then re introduced to “it”, and we try “it” out and eventually are duped into believing that this is what we need to fill the void. It’s not even really a conscientious doing, it kinda just happens. We participate, or do “it”, “it” makes us feel good, “it” takes away the edge or helps us cope in our situations.This crazy cycle can and will go on for as long as we keep feeding it. The moment we realize what we are or have been doing is the moment we can begin the process of healing. But you have to first realize and come to grips with the fact that you do have an addiction issue. Once you’ve done that you’ll have to then dig deep and find your source. More on that next time.